謊言城市購買記
心有戚戚焉～～
「俗俗俗！太便宜太便宜，一支垃圾! 袋10元。」
菜市場或大馬路邊，像這樣類似的賣垃圾袋標語時有所見。
通常這樣的標語都用大紙版寫著，“俗”跟“10元”字樣會寫的特別的大字。
終於，有一天，我像是隻無辜的小魚游向掛著假魚餌的陷阱中……
我上前買了四支垃圾袋，然後我正準備掏40塊錢給老闆時，老闆卻告訴我：
「160元。」
「啊？不是一支10塊？」
「是一支便宜10元，本來要200的，所以我只算妳160元。」
他說的理直氣壯，彷彿是施捨給我莫大的恩典。
「不買了。」小魚吐出假魚餌，轉身就游走。
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「買東西何必練體力。到〝愛買〞，專人送貨到府，輕鬆又省力。」
近來電視廣告頻頻撥放著這樣的廣告。
於是，我在基於有人可以送貨到府的方便下，將所有日常所需的用品一次買齊，足足購得了有三大袋的東西。
「小姐，我要辦送貨。」提著三大袋的東西，我找到了辦理送貨的服務台。
這回，我是可愛的小紅帽，天真的以為世上一切都是真善美。
「好，資料妳填一下。」小姐一臉晚娘臉孔，彷彿我搶她男朋友似的。
沒關係，被人拋棄很可憐的，不跟她計較。
三分鐘後。
「小姐，我填好了。」嗯，真是感謝賣場有如此的好服務。
「好，下星期三我們給妳送過去。」
「什麼？」
「我說下星期三東西會給妳送過去。」
「今天星期幾？」
「今天星期二。」
「所以…………」
「有問題嗎？」晚娘臉孔越發的難看。
「妳看不出我的問題在哪嗎？」小紅帽問。
「下星期三妳不在家嗎？」
「我每天都在家。」
「那就沒問題了。」
「問題是我買的東西到下星期三就壞了。」
「那妳就今天自己想辦法帶回去了，我們的人力已經排到下星期三了。」
晚娘說的斬釘截鐵，一點情面不留。
「怎麼可能？！」
「天下沒什麼不可能的事。」
「我騎機車來，怎麼搬的回去這三大袋的東西？」
「那妳回去開車再來。」
「我沒車。」
「那外頭有計程車。」
「重點不在這裡。是你們自己廣告說你們有送貨服務的。」
「是有啊，我不是說了下星期三給妳送過去。」晚娘看起來要抓狂了。
「我來買東西還得練體力？」
「隨便妳了，下一位！」晚娘再懶的理人。
於是…小紅帽脫下可愛紅帽，轉身變成一頭憤怒的大野狼，再次提著三大袋的東西辦理退貨去。
「不買了。」
******************************
「家樂福瘋了！買 1,000 送 500，天天都是特價日。」
前陣子，家樂福打出了買 1,000 送 500 的口號。
於是，我捨近求遠的跑到家樂福買兒子的搖床。
搖床加上其它的東西共是 2,000 出頭。
「小姐，麻煩妳到服務台蓋章，領取活動辦法。」結帳小姐還算禮貌的說著。
我像頭單純又天真的小羊，找到了它的服務台，服務台小姐接過我的發票，在集點卡上蓋了一個章。
然後，她說：
「小姐妳好，妳今天購買了 2,100 元，所以有了一個點數，麻煩妳未來的四個星期再回來消費至少 1,000 元的金額，然後我們會再給妳蓋章。集滿五個點數後，我們會換 500 元禮卷給妳。不過，請記得，要連續五個星期都回來，否則點數就作癈了。」小姐的態度很好，因為滿臉是笑容，看起來也像天真的羊咩咩。
不過，羊咩咩的話好像有點問題。
「妳的意思是我今天買 2,000 也只有一點？」
「是的，沒錯。」笑容依舊。
「然後我未來的連續四個禮拜都還要再回來買 1,000 以上？」
「是的，沒錯。」還是掛著笑，但，甜美的味道已經消失。
「我再確定一下，是下個禮拜，跟下下個禮拜，跟下下下個禮拜以及下下下下個禮拜？」
「是的，小姐，妳說的完全正確。」笑容退去，開始不耐煩了。
「這樣怎麼會是買 1,000 送 500，這根本就是買 5,000 送 500。」小羊又開始有上當受騙的感覺。
「很抱歉，這就是我們的活動規則。」變臉了。
嘴裡說抱歉，臉上卻是一付要不要隨便妳的表情。
後來，我才發現她的臉上有條裂痕……原來，她載了張羊的面具。
這…這…這不就是……是……
「等一下，妳說錯了，這不是買 5,000 送 500。」在一旁把活動說明全看完了的老公突然對我說。
「明明就是。」
「不，是買 10,000 才送 500，因為，之後它的 500 元禮卷，只能在買 1,000 元時折價一張 100 元的，所以，就算有了 500 元禮卷，也還要再買 5,000 元以上才能全數兌換完畢。」
「啊？」
就在我驚訝的同時，服務台的小姐露出了猙獰的臉，對我露出了尖銳的牙齒，
啊…啊……原來，她是披著羊皮的狼，專門誘拐無辜的小羊上門。
「現在怎麼辦？」老公問。
!
! 「她是披羊皮的狼，而我卻是披羊皮的老虎。老娘不買了！」於是母老虎提著一東西再次退貨去！」
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充滿謊言的城市。
虛偽狡猾是無所不在的空氣。
10元＝160元 ＆ 1,000＝10,000。這樣的公式算法，難怪我數學怎麼也學不好。
也許，這又是高超於建構式數學的新算法新學習。
輕鬆優雅的購物＝一肚子子氣。這道理，我得多學學。
城市裡，不實的廣告滿天飛。
是詐騙還是欺騙？
其實都是理直氣壯的謊言。
善意欺騙與惡意欺騙都是騙。
文字遊戲的高尚在這裡淪為奸商的謀財工具。
大人，如何能有顏面告訴孩子：欺騙是要不得的行為。
因為這社會給孩子吃的穿的用的，全是…不實的言語。
或許，不貪便宜才是保身之道。
只是，城市的謊言就不會因此而減少。
處處是謊言的城市啊….你被迫讓人穿上國王的新衣，冷的不能自己。
在繁華褪盡的夜裡，你是否也會哭泣…
ＰＳ：現在買東西都是有需要買，喜歡就買，也懶的比價了。
其實不是真的貪什麼便宜，只是厭惡那種用欺騙手法做生意的商人。
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